How Fawn Transformed a Sibling Conflict into a Family Game

The Power of Peaceful Resolution

I couldn't believe how this conflict between two brothers deescalated into peace.

A boy was chatting with Fawn via text message last week. He told her he was frustrated that his brother repeatedly jumped and startled him. A fairly typical conversation for Fawn.

A text conversation between Fawn a robot from Fawn and a boy about how to deescalate a conflict with his brother

Understanding the Complexity of Conflict Resolution

I am sure you've experienced something similar before. It's the kind of conflict between siblings that can escalate to yelling and tears. But it doesn't have to.

If a child understands how to tell his sibling that he doesn't like being startled and the sibling responds maturely it can end peacefully. Though, there is a surprising number of skills required to execute something like that.

First, the startled child needs executive function to decide what he needs from his brother and to plan and execute the conversation. And, he needs emotional regulation to hold the conversation in a calm and respectful manner.

Second, the jumping brother needs emotional regulation to maintain a peaceful demeanor while the startled brother expresses being upset. And, he needs to take responsibility for his actions and promise not to do it again. If he doesn't, the conflict won't be truly settled.

That is a lot to organize! It's no wonder you have so much on your plate at home.

The Resolution Process

Here's what happened:

  1. Fawn coached the startled boy to tell his brother how being startled made him feel.
  2. His brother apologized, but didn't really say he wouldn't do it again, warning that he might forget 🙃.
  3. Not taking responsibility in this way is typical for a child (and many adults 😅), but not the de-escalation we need for peace.
  4. This is where things got really interesting: Fawn suggested maybe they could create a funny signal that would help the startled boy tell his brother to stop.
  5. Startled boy loved that idea and they turned it into a game! Startled boy yells "Bananas!" when his brother startles him and jumping brother yells "Les Minions!" (from the Despicable Me movie)

I was amazed. Fawn helped these two boys turn what could have been a yelling match into a fun game. But it gets better.

The Family Impact

The boy's mom emailed me on Friday. She said they've included her in the game! They now have a word for the boys to signal she is getting heated about things.

Here is what she said:

Fawn's advice was a game changer. Not only has it helped de-escalate things between my kids but we also came up with a « funny code phrase » for the boys to help ME catch myself when they notice I'm getting heated about things.

So I love Fawn and am excited to get one for my other kid. I've only gotten a glimpse of how she can help and have already noticed changes.

Amazing!! A typical conflict between siblings was transformed into shared language and a game for the whole family to use in the pursuit of emotional regulation.

How to Implement This in Your Home

Do you want something similar in your home? Copy Fawn's process for deescalating a conflict between your kids:

  1. Encourage your children to come to you when they have a conflict before they react to their sibling.
  2. Coach them to share how they feel in an emotionally regulated manner (using declarative language is helpful). Ask them to come back to you after the conversation to talk about how it went.
  3. If the conversation doesn't deescalate completely, offer a game that teaches them to communicate their needs in a peaceful manner.
  4. Participate in the game yourself to build a family culture around emotionally regulated conversations about needs.

Get Started with Fawn

If you have ordered a Fawn, your kids can chat with Fawn too! Check your email for the subject line "Introduction To Fawn" to get set up. If you have trouble, reply here and I'll help out.

If you haven't ordered a Fawn, order one here and your kids can start texting with her today. I'll also send you a digital picture book with the story of how Fawn came to earth, so you can read it to them as an introduction.

Happy parenting this week!

Peter
Co-founder & CEO at Fawn Friends